The Snowman 2017

Hello friends!
So this is part of a ‘random review of the month!’ i’ll be posting (hopefully monthly?!).

Disclaimer: I try to avoid as many spoilers as i possibly can, but this may contain some spoilers or some language and graphic details some people may find offensive. 

My boyfriend and I stumbled upon this film on one of those late nights on movie apps trying to find something to watch that wouldn’t take up any brain power (oh i was wrong..), it looked pretty ‘eh’, and well Michael Fassbender is a 10/10 so i thought why not.
A brief introduction to the film: Tomas Alfredson, famed for his films such as tinker tailor solider spy & let the right one in, directs this film, in which Michael Fassbender plays a troubled detective (his name is Harry Hole…try not to laugh) for the Norwegian police department. Himself and his merry band of misfits start to investigate the disappearance of a woman, which leads him to connect past cold cases together. All accompanied by creepy snowmen at the crime scenes, which confuse the feck out of me because how are they being built so damn quick!?
The film also stars my least favourite batman, Val Kilmer, who errrr, lets just say actually has 0 speaking parts (we’ll move on to this a bit later), briefly Chloë Sevigny , J.K Simmons & Rebecca Ferguson.

Now more about my opinion on the film! (the opinion you don’t need but you’re gonna get).
Overall the story seems like it could be great, a serial killer on the prow for women who all have something in common, and then leaves snowmen at the scene as his calling card. Brilliant, right? No. This film was honestly, abysmal at best. There are relationships going on in this film that are almost impossible to keep up with, if you’re not paying enough attention it’s easy to lose focus and suddenly you’re out the loop. I feel there are alot of pointless characters introduced at the most random of times. I have recently learnt that this is because 10%-15% of the film was actually never filmed and it was all pieced together like a jiqsaw in the editting room when they realised half of what they needed was missing… which makes a lot of sense as to why it’s so choppy.
The movie was also filmed in two locations, Norway & London, alot of people complained about geographical errors in which Alfredson gives my favourite quote to date: “It’s not a documentary about the geography of Norway, I wanted to make a fictive thriller,” he says. “So even if not everything is geographically correct, I don’t give a shit.”. I mean give him a clap.
Now, lets talk about Val Kilmer… the reason i said he has 0 speaking parts is because the voice coming out of his mouth, well it isnt his. He was dubbed over! He says this was because his tounge was swollen from cancer treatment but i don’t know, it makes his character feel very out of place and just awkward. He has 3 major scenes in the film, which you can expect to be just as awkward as the each other. In one of those scenes he doesnt say a peep, a voice from his walky talky radio spends most the time talking and then Val Kilmer just stands above a dead body and fires a gun to scare some birds… scene closed. Which is a relief because honestly, this scene goes on for a few minutes and it felt like it was forever.
There’s another story happening in the film in which JK Simmons’ character and a creepy doctor have a young female (servant??). In one scene the creepy dr shows her to JK and removes her dress leaving her topless whilst he takes a photo…. i can’t explain to you wtf is happening here because i never found out. It just seemed like it was a story to make you think one way about who the killer could be, like the biggest plot twist. But instead i was just left thinking “well that girl got her tits out on film for no reason, hope she got paid enough”.  This also makes the film easily guessable, they made it seem like it would be way to obvious they were the killers and you knew for a fact it was gonna be someone else you didn’t expect (except you did expect it..).
The ending is something else. I had already guessed who the killer was going to be about and hour and 25 minutes before they revealed them, so that was no surprise to me. However what was interesting was the characters’ very quick decent into darkness from what they’d been portraying throughout the film. The final scene is one of those that drives you crazy, it just shows Fassbender sitting in the police station (half a finger down but sporting a fabulous new mechanical tip) agreeing to take on a new case and wham… roll credits.

SO my final opinion? Don’t waste your time on this brain freeze of a movie.
You could watch it for the sake of it and there are some laughable moments, but don’t come crying if you waste 1 hour 59 minutes of your life on this. It is one of those stories that no matter how bad the film actually is, you need to get to the end. However, it is an adaptation of the book by Jo Nesbø, i would like to hear if any of you have read this and what your thoughts are of the book vs the film!

My offical starship rating is: 4/10 starships.

Lets hear below about your feelings on this film!
love, Starshiptrooper x

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